21 Days of Faith: Day 3 & 4

Day 3:

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

This day was about worry. What worry do I hold on to and will I cast it upon Christ. The worries I have are plenty as they are for most people. I worry about finances. I worry about my being a good person, wife, mom, Christian. I worry about how my house looks. About getting things done. My life is a constant worry and that needs to be released from my heart. Not only does it cause physical and mental problems it means that I am not trusting God to lead me where I need to be or to take my worries and heal me. The challenge for this day is to reflect on my thoughts and as soon as I start to worry then ask Jesus to take it for me.


Day 4:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 

Have you ever experienced a time when God seemed distant or silent in your life? Oh my yes. I think I have mentioned that I am a newly reborn Christian. From the age of 13-25 I had nothing to do with God. I even hated Him. I had thought that he had abandoned me and so I abandoned Him. I had thought He could not exist because how could anyone with so much power have let me suffer through what I did. How could He have let me loved ones do that to me or others go through similar pain.

Trust: trusting that He is there now is in my heart. Knowing that God did not put me through anything I could not happen. We are always loved by Him and even though He seems distant, He still walks with us. Out of my past I have learned very valuable lessons and they will one day lead me to a path where I can help someone. They have caused me to be better mother than what my biological mother was to me. 

30 Days of Change: Day 2

Taking up a challenge to improve myself.

Blessed are those who act justly, who always do what is right. -Psalm 106:3

Apparently for my two challenges today I am getting a clear sign that I am not doing something right. I knew that and I knew that I was being sinful and that I should stop. I have no idea why I kept at it and I know I still have the urge. In the last few days I have acted in a despicable way and that must end. In order to make sure I act right I must be held accountable. To look at my thoughts and actions and see how they affect others around me and how I can ruin the best things in my life. I need to constantly think of how I affect others that I love. This is going to be a short post because right now I just want to go crawl in a hole.

21 Days of Faith: Day 2

21 Days of Faith is a challenge I am taking to strengthen my faith in the Lord.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Write a prayer from your heart and confess any sin and ask God to forgive and help you turn your sin.

                              Dear Lord, please forgive me for my sin of willful disobedience. Also of my doubt in you by believing that I am not worthy to be saved and thinking that I should just give up on myself. I have allowed sinful things into my mind and for them to take root in my heart. I am struggling with handing these things over to you and trusting that you can help me. Lord I beg for your help and your love and understanding. Please help me to step away and know what I am doing. Fill me with your will and your grace instead of my own will which is hurtful and sinful. Thank you Lord. In Jesus Name. Amen.

21 Days of Faith: Day 1

I am taking up these two challenges because I need to be more involved with my goal in life and how to serve God.

Now faith is the assurance(the confirmation, the title deed) of the things (we) hope for, being the proof of things (we) do not see and the conviction of their reality (faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses). -Hebrews 11:1

What does faith mean to me? Faith means believing in something even if there is no irrefutable proof. It means being 100% convicted of what to me seems like fact. For example: I have absolute faith in my husband's love of me and that he will never cheat on me. In relation to the definition of faith from Hebrews 11:1 I do believe they are similar however my definition of faith did not center on God.

I am grateful that I am able to start this challenge because I need the daily reminder. I am weak and need the accountability.

30 Days of Change

I downloaded a book called 30 Days of Change by . It is to encourage you to change your heart and mind over to Christ and to fulfill your life more.

Day 1: Change the way you think

1. What kind of things do you think about? My mind is a mess. I range in thoughts and most of the time they are terrifying. Being diagnosed with depression and OCD is honestly a terrifying combination. OCD can make you think horrifying things and you do not mean them at all and you get scared of yourself because you start to think that you are a threat to others. That is why a lot of people with OCD also have other problems such as depression and can lead to suicide because we think we are horrible, dangerous people. So to answer the question, 80% of the time I am thinking I should be dead. That used to be 100% so improvements are being made. I think about my marriage a lot and how to be a better wife because I do not think I am good enough. I think about how best to raise my daughter so that she turns out to be a proper human being. I think of my soul a lot. I think of how I can improve my relationship with God and serve His glory.

2. Are they wholesome good thoughts? Not nearly enough. I try to think of the positive over the negative but I really need to improve my thoughts all together.

3. What do you need to do to improve those thoughts? Concentrate more on God's message of love and forgiveness. Consider the many more blessings I have than the problems.

4. Why do YOU want to change the way you think? I want to change my way of thinking because my thoughts are not healthy. They are destructive for everyone.



Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be about to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will. -Romans 12:2

The Good in the Bad

This morning at 2:32 my daughter, Sarah, comes into my room saying she is going to spit. Spit in her mind means throwing up. That sets off the rest of the morning with rushing to get her into the bathroom in time, her crying, and me trying my best not to come off as grumpy because I have had a serious lack of sleep this whole week. Finally 7am comes and she is asleep so I get to have my hot shower. 30 mins later and she is awake again. Pancakes this morning are the answer because they won't upset her stomach too much, they're quick, and it is all I can make. My husband is also sick, I am pretty sure with the flu but he still goes to work. Forces himself to work because we really can not have any less money right now. Our biggest concern is the fact that we don't have food in the house right now and how we are going to get food in the house. Tomorrow it will be whether we have the rest of money for rent. December 1st it will be if we have money for rent at all. There are always problems going on and right now I do have plenty of them...



BUT....

We also have each other. I have an amazing husband who is loyal, loving, hard working. We are in our 20s and a lot of men his age are not as grounded as he is. My daughter is overall healthy, smart, beautiful. She is polite, loves going to church, is social. I have come to grow in myself this past year and that means really appreciating my family. You must also, in circumstances that are worrisome, find joy and laughter. In all this it is a joy that my marriage is strong. It is a joy that I have amazing friends and go to a wonderful church. It is a joy that my husband has great, dependable friends who are willing to take him to work every morning. It is hilarious the dinners I have had to come up with on very little ingredients. It is funny how inventive we can get with our time because we don't have money or a car to go out.

And...

We are blessed. God looks out for us and walks with. We do not walk this path alone.


Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1: 2-3

New Beginnings mean New Motivation

I have recently come back to the Christian faith. It was a long road and I still struggle but everyone does. Today I was at a play date with my daughter and it was with a bunch of wonderful women from the church. These ladies have opened their hearts to me and that means so much to me. My church is a wonderful church. They have accepted me even though I am broken and thought that I could not be loved any more. My life has been renewed and in part from these amazing people. My husband and I are still struggling financially but I have confidence that my husband and I can get through this in any way that God leads us. I am also part of First Place Bible Study and one of the mantras is that you can push the restart button any day. As someone obsessed with starting something either on a Sunday or Monday this was a hard thing for me to grasp. But I have done it many times now. I have started praying with my daughter. I have worked on my anger. I have gotten better at getting out of bed. I am a better person and still improving. Having come back to the Christian faith has not changed my respect for all religions. I still support LGBQT rights. I am just letting you know ones who are wary, not all Christians are bad and judgmental people. I will listen to you and I will not judge. It is not my place. I take from the Christian faith a message of love and acceptance. God bless you all and may whatever God/s you follow watch over you. If you have no belief then may you have a good one and walk in peace.