Joan

You were so tiny
A being of infinite possibilities
A breath on the brink
Now you are forever
An eternal life

My heart breaks
Though I did not know you long
You are still my beloved
Now with God, wait for me
I will spend eternity with you when this life is done

You entered this world for less than a few minutes
You imprinted upon my heart instantly
My dear daughter I will love you forever
and hope to know you when I meet you again
Until then, sit with God and be the angel I know you to be.

Grieving

I lost a child yesterday, March 24. I was 16.3 weeks pregnant. My body went wrong and I could no longer support my baby. She was born alive and lived for about 10 minutes. I have no idea how to handle this. No idea at all. How does one handle loosing a child? Within the next few days I will have to explain to my daughter that I don't have a baby in my tummy anymore and that the baby is with God and won't be coming home. It didn't really hit us until we were told we had to name her, bury her, get a death certificate. It shoves it in your face and you have to deal with those things while mourning. I can't write more because I am too emotional.

Advice needed.

As you know I am a stay at home mom and given the hours I have to work around my husband's schedule I can not work outside the house. Does anyone have any idea what I can do from home? I am currently working on my college degree for Interior Design but that has a few more years left. I do not have any other proven skills. I know I am great at office work and organization but do not have the 'work experience'. I am crafty but starting out I can not buy many supplies to start anything.

Really any advice is appreciated.

Spring is coming!

Fall and Winter are my favorite months because I get really ill as soon as the temperature gets above 70. But we have had a harsh winter and I have been holed up with two toddler girls for most of it. I am looking forward to getting them outside so I can exhaust them. It would be great if I could just exhaust my daughter and let my niece do her thing if she wants. I am looking forward to Easter this year. I am a holiday fanatic which my husband dreads but it makes life more vibrant. I look forward to the church events, the personal egg hunts I do, the many crafts. The breath of fresh life that Easter brings to everything in the world. Spring is the new beginning. Proving that all hard things must come to an end and better things are yet to come. I can not contain my joy, my love. I feel full in news ways. I hope this Spring can bring continued joy and that my daughter can enjoy it just as much as I do.

Changes outside of my comfort zone

Well looks like we are out of Virginia for a while. Staying with friends while we save money helps a lot. We are however in Moyock, NC. And though I appreciate this opportunity so much being in Moyock spikes my anxiety out of the roof. This town is not home, it is a nightmare every time I am here. And I need to remember that the two greatest things that ever happened to me happened in Moyock. That I met Charles and gave birth to Sarah here. It is just so hard. I can't wait till I am back in Virginia. Virginia is home, calms me and centers me. I loose touch out here and it hurts. The only comfort is that I was not separated from Charles like we thought we were going to have to be. I just hope we can get ourselves sorted soon. Anyhow I need to look at this like a learning experience. Learn patience. Learn control. Learn what I need to.

Morning Musings

I sit here as Sarah sits beside me drawing on her easel. I am emotional today and I know why but can't exactly say why. I am emotional about everything and that should be quite interesting when I end up in church in an hour. 

Snow Day!!

I get so ecstatic when it snows outside. I get motivated, happy, and I just want to celebrate the world. Snow days make everything look clean and bring innocence back into the world. They bring joy to children and let them make a huge mess on themselves and then come in for warm drinks. Snow days give a silence to the world as most people are staying home and spending warm time with their families. I hope you all enjoy this wonderful day whether it is a snow day or not. Any day can be a snow day for you if you take the time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh like newly fallen snow.