Monday, April 28, 2014

What music album would be used for a movie about your life?

I seriously put this off for three days because I have no idea. So I am just going to list my top songs and tell you why they're my favorite and we'll see if it counts as a made up album.

1. 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman: This song to me so fully embodies my joy in living in Christ and having Him as my savior. Knowing that everything will work out in the end and I will praise God the whole time.

2. Demons by Imagine Dragons: I just deeply connect with this song. To me it speaks of depression which is a daily struggle for me. It also makes me think of my past which I always feel will come take me over and that I am ruled by it. I know this isn't so but the song lets me get those feelings out.

3. Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen: I play this song when I need to be loud and I feel like everything is caving in on me. I don't know if it is because of the betrayal talked about in the song. It is a good song, great beat, and perfect for belting.

4. King of Anything by Sara Bareilles: An empowering song to not put up with anyone's crap. Which really anyone needs to hear this song if they haven't already. Especially if they had a bad relationship at some point, which we all have don't lie.

5. This is Halloween from the movie Nightmare Before Christmas: Fall is my favorite season and I love Halloween so much. Plus this movie is just so great.

There are plenty more but I don't have all night :). What album would be yours or what are you favorite songs?

Sunday, April 27, 2014

The writing bug

My writing bug has come back in full force! I just wrote 500 words and I have not done that in a very long time. I am making a vow to do at least 500 words every morning and hopefully I will have a decent story in a couple of months so that I can get it on amazon and bring in some small cash. I need to do something to help my husband so hopefully this will be a good start since finding a job outside of the home is not possible right now. So every morning I will get up, shower, make coffee, and then write 500 words before doing homework. I really need to stick to this because I know how I am. I get all excited about a project and drop it a few days later because I procrastinate like there is no tomorrow. Setting alarm and then another until I annoy myself into obedience. Now if you could just pray that I stick to this and it is a successful endeavor no matter how small of an impact it makes. Something is always better than nothing.

Friday, April 25, 2014


I'm watching (in)RL and the theme is telling your story. I have always found it weird to tell my story. I feel like I have dealt with too much and it would push people away. It is nice to know I'm not alone in that feeling though. That I'm not alone in the mistakes I've made or the things I've dealt with. Telling our stories heals us and others. We are able to build a community for Christ and have a sisterhood of love. That is beyond amazing. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.

(skipped yesterday because of Holiday)

This is hard because even though I have a lot of stuff my husband would deem useless I actually use everything at least part of the year or for decoration of the house. I guess the most useless thing I own right now is a Hello Kitty runner. It is for the Bug but since she doesn't have a bedroom right now it hasn't been put to use. It just sits in the corner and stares at me mournfully. This was an awfully short post. Sorry about that.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!!

Easter is a wonderful day! Aside from the wonderful smiles from Sarah and the early morning joy it is also the day we get to celebrate Jesus rising from the grave. Now I know that Easter was a pagan holiday and that we are not 100% sure of Jesus' timeline because calenders can get confusing over many years. BUT it does not detract from the joy that death is not everlasting. We may depart our mortal bodies but then we get the greatest joy to be with our Father and Savior in Heaven. There is no greater joy!! A lovely lady I know referenced Easter as the Christian Independence Day. There is so much truth to that. We have gained independence from death and from sin all within three days. Jesus suffered and died on the cross for US for us sinners. He and the Father loved us so much that HE gave His ONLY Begotten Son so that we may be saved. Bless the Father and all His wondrous works.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

What 5 websites do you visit often and why?

1. Facebook
2. Tumblr
3. Pinterest
4. Houzz
5. Pandora

Facebook I keep open at all times so I don't miss messages since my phone is pretty horrible. Plus I have a bad need to know what is going on at all times. Tumblr because it is a mindless blog of all my favorite things. I can go on there and waste time and relax. Quite fun and I recommend it for everyone since it has almost everything. Pinterest was made for people like me. People who are obsessed with organization, crafts, cooking/baking, and etc. Houzz is an Interior Design site that lets you save any room and it is wonderful to have access to so many beautiful ideas and to be able to save them for later ideas. Pandora is a music site and a regular staple as I like to have music on almost constantly. Helps me concentrate and also drowns the noise of the children a little bit.

These are the sites I visit the most aside from my school site. I would love to know which ones you visit the most and why? You never know, I or you could find a new favorite site.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

Since it says something I am going to stick the thing in that word.

I was seventeen and struggling against my mentally abusive adoptive mother and working on getting back into the foster care system. I had actually been trying to do that for a few years but finally successful because she found out she would not have to give up the monthly money she received for 'caring' for me. So I moved out as fast as I could and could not immediately take all of my possessions. Among those left behind were all of my writings. I had written so many stories or other items and wanted them back so much. She later claimed that she had burned them because they were devil writing. Fantasy was apparently evil but so were many things I was accused of having done to ruin her life. Anyhow those writings could never be replaced because though I remember the basics of some I can never repeat the stories how they were forming then. A lot of them I don't even remember. It is sad but it happens.

Writing prompts challenge for self

I came across a site that has 130 writing prompts so I am going to post each prompt and my writing on it on here so I know where it is and how well it works for me. I am letting you know so you are aware of the random writings came from. :) If you are interested the link is below. Sometimes every writer needs a jump start. I am using this one to hopefully get my writing back into gear and maybe start selling some books online and get some basic income.


Thursday, April 17, 2014

Standstill is over

Too long I have been on the sidelines of my life. I have been an observer and not an active participant. It has gotten tiresome and come to the point where I feel helpless. Enough. I have been a passive person in my faith, my life, my child's life, and the future of my family. I do know that a main cause of this is depression and a deep seated fear that I am still dealing with. Now I need to start with the small steps to make my life vibrant, wholesome, and to be able to be a better support system for my husband, daughter, and anyone else who needs it. A few days ago I stated that I need to strengthen my faith. I have found a site that I think can get me started and my church family alone has helped me take strong leaps in the past year for that. Now I need to take advantage of my OCD personality and use it to rejoice and come closer to God and to set things in motion. Pray for me that I may keep the strength and use my weaknesses to His benefit and for those around me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Finding grace

This day was long and hard. All day long I have heard stories of children lost. It has also be hard with the babies growing in their mother's wombs and one born. I rejoice for those mother's who know joy, even if my heart breaks a little and asks what I did wrong. All day I had to discipline my daughter and niece but was afraid to do so because you never know what will happen next. I lay between my husband and daughter now. Listening to their ragged breathes as they fight off a cold or allergies. My daughter also fights a fever as the rain outside fights the heat. I worry for these two loved ones and I know I will get little sleep. That is okay though because I would rather be aware of every breath they take and know they are safe. It is also finals for me today and tomorrow. I was working on my project all afternoon and have so much more to do tomorrow so an early day. I think what I need right now is the reminder of grace. I have been ignoring this week because of stress, heartbreak, and depression. I need to pay attention to this week because it leads to Easter Sunday and that is a day of great joy and love. I will look to the Lord for patience, for love, for strength. I will find His grace in the small moments of the days and thank Him for them. I will look to His word for comfort. Good night, God Bless.  

Monday, April 7, 2014

When your world crashes...

When your world crashes it seems like nothing will be right again. These past two weeks have been the hardest out of the very hard two months we have had. We lost our baby, Joan, and had to explain that to my Sarah who is four and doesn't really understand. We had to go through the cremation process and then found out the urn we had gotten was too small. So now while our daughters ashes remain at the funeral home we wait on the delivery of another urn. We are staying with friends and have for a couple months now when we used to live on our own. Our money situation is plain ridiculous and I have no way of helping with the income. So far 2014 has not been our year and the depression came back of course because it is never too far. As a result my daughter suffers. I become withdrawn and do not act like a mother. This is horrible for her and I feel so much guilt from it. I know I need to get out of the pit, it is a very hard thing to do. I am still working on it. Working on not being stuck in my head and listening to all those lies I tell myself. But I do know it will get better. I have no idea when or how but it will. We will have our own home again and I will be a good mother again. I will help my husband with money again, somehow. I just don't know when or how. And that is okay.