Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Progress. Trigger Warning. Info if you need help

I was wise on giving myself personal feelings on Tuesday. I am posting out of exhaustion and it is a good exhaustion. I had a wonderful day working with two wonderful ladies in decorating the church. I was able to learn so much from doing this for the past two days. J.N. is the lovely soul teaching us how to do these things and I am learning so much for Interior Design and its practical use. Sarah was a very good girl and insisted on helping so much with all of it. Tomorrow we are attacking my house and cleaning it head to bottom.

Overall for moods, I am balanced. I have been happy for such an extended period of time. For the first time in over 13 years I have been balanced and not suicidal for a few months straight. Do you know how amazing that is? It is astounding. And in all honesty it is because I returned to Christianity and was blessed enough to be in a church who accepted me not matter that I was messed up beyond words.  To actually feel like my life could serve a purpose and that I am not just a useless human being. To actually feel like I can be a good wife for my husband or a good mother. I use to think all the time that they would be so much better without me. I use to call my sister in the middle of the night crying because I just wanted to die. I did not want to be a burden any more. But now it is gone. I feel useful. I feel like I can be good in the world. That I can be a good wife, mother, sister, friend, helper. Whatever is needed I can do now.

So if for whatever reason you are at the end of your hope, you feel like you can no longer do it. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE LOVED!!! YOU CAN BE LOVED!!! If you think you can not be I understand where those hateful thoughts come from, depression is a cruel room mate. But you can kick it out!! There are solutions. Even if you do not have money to avoid therapy or just do not like professional help there are support groups with people who have gone through it or are still going through it. People with experience or none. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are also hotlines as I am sure you know about. Numbers are below. Do not ever hesitate to email me though at kiramaelei@yahoo.com just make sure you leave something in the subject bar like Talk. I will listen, I will support you, I will try to help you in any way you are comfortable with.


God loves you whether you are a believer or not. God is with you every step of the way as you fight those demons.

Numbers to call:

For the US-  1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
http://www.crisischat.org/faq/ For Depression

Any other information you would like I would be more than happy to find for you. Just e-mail me.

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